See, I bury that shit. I take a shower, wash the clothes I was wearing, make white noise when my mind drifts that way, and over the years have dumped loads of soil on the glow of embarrassment and tamped it down. Hard.
So to look for it? I find myself walking a mental tightrope now, skating over the surface of the truly humiliating (God no, that's too much) and the superficial happens-to-everyone embarrassments.
How about a nice middle of the road memory?
You know when you're old enough to drive but still 12 years old inside? When you like a boy and you and your friend maybe cruise past his house for that giddy little kick? I knew it was a stupid silly smitten thing to do, but we still did it. I wanted to see the living room light on and picture him watching Saturday Night Live, maybe beep the horn and have him wonder whether someone out there was thinking of him.
I remember driving past that house two or three times one night and on the final pass, my friend stopped her car in the middle of the street and laid on the horn.
I threw myself facedown on the seat and punched her in the leg to make her MOVE MOVE MOVE. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw the porch light come on and his younger brother hustle out to the car. He was used to girls honking as they drove by, and seemed a little surprised we weren't there for him. My friend asked if his brother was home, and the rest is lost to white noise.
I have no recollection of what was said, if I spoke with the guy I was interested in, if we peeled out, nothing. But we did end up dating for a few good years, and if a little embarrassment on my part was enough to let him know I wouldn't be averse to going out on a date, so be it.