I'm blushing

I've been reading a lot of the {W}rite of Passage posts today, and thought it might jumpstart my lazy ass into writing a bit more and writing a bit better. The only drawback is the first subject we're to write about: An Embarrassing Moment.

See, I bury that shit. I take a shower, wash the clothes I was wearing, make white noise when my mind drifts that way, and over the years have dumped loads of soil on the glow of embarrassment and tamped it down. Hard.

So to look for it? I find myself walking a mental tightrope now, skating over the surface of the truly humiliating (God no, that's too much) and the superficial happens-to-everyone embarrassments.

How about a nice middle of the road memory?

You know when you're old enough to drive but still 12 years old inside? When you like a boy and you and your friend maybe cruise past his house for that giddy little kick? I knew it was a stupid silly smitten thing to do, but we still did it. I wanted to see the living room light on and picture him watching Saturday Night Live, maybe beep the horn and have him wonder whether someone out there was thinking of him.

I remember driving past that house two or three times one night and on the final pass, my friend stopped her car in the middle of the street and laid on the horn.

I threw myself facedown on the seat and punched her in the leg to make her MOVE MOVE MOVE. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw the porch light come on and his younger brother hustle out to the car. He was used to girls honking as they drove by, and seemed a little surprised we weren't there for him. My friend asked if his brother was home, and the rest is lost to white noise.

I have no recollection of what was said, if I spoke with the guy I was interested in, if we peeled out, nothing. But we did end up dating for a few good years, and if a little embarrassment on my part was enough to let him know I wouldn't be averse to going out on a date, so be it.

Winter prep

Although I'm not quite ready for weather that requires preheating the car, swaddling myself in scarves, and leaving the warmth of the bed every morning, at least the yard is prepared. I raked and bagged the last of the leaves and clipped the faded peonies and hostas. I left some leaves around the roses to insulate them a little (did I read that or just get lazy and think it sounded good? are you supposed to mulch roses for the winter?) and am waiting for the final buds to develop just a bit more before cutting them and letting them bloom inside. I promised one to the neighbor girl, so I hope they continue to grow for just a bit longer.

Over the summer she asked to come over and check out my flowers a number of times, and it was pretty neat to discuss where they were in their cycle, why this one produced pods when it was done blooming and that one produced berry-looking things, why the one peony made buds that didn't flower, and what each plant is named. She came over twice today, once before the great clipping and once afterward, and helped me figure out where to move the dianthus next Spring.

Willy snuck out two bones to chew on the back porch while I worked, and it was a hard job getting the boys inside when I was done. They must know these warm sunny days are in short supply, and I think they wanted to make the most of it. I ended up leaving the back doors open for an hour so they could come and go as they pleased.

I'll be ready for winter when it hits (love the snow and sweaters and crock pots and gloves), but in the meantime I'm savoring days like today.

Tonight

• I witnessed Matt's pimp walk. It's jaunty but perhaps best saved for special occasions.
  
  
• Saw a movie that wasn't very good, but the company I saw it with? Stellar. Times two.
  
  
• Took my hair down immediately upon our return and the curls looked much nicer than they did when I'd banished them to a ponytail a few hours earlier.
  
  
• Will be going to bed before midnight with a clear head, full heart, and a book in hand.

A good day

It's been a good day.

A day of reflecting and reading and interesting dreams. A day of showering late, eating big, and loving the people in my life. A day of peace and prettiness and inhaling autumn air.

I couldn't ask for much more.