February 19, 2013

Treading water

It feels like I've been treading water for the last four years. Every day it's the same chores, the same concerns, the same clothes, the same everything. It gets tiring. I catch myself with gritted teeth almost every night. Right now? Gritting.

Exercise helped, but my elbow got tendonitis from lifting improperly or too much and I have to stop until it gets back in shape. It also increased my libido to that of a teenage boy's and while an increased interest sounds wonderful, I had never understood how frustrating it can be to think about sex 40 times a day and have to cram it down. It makes me feel sulky and petulant and that ain't sexy in the least.

I thought about looking for a new job, but remembered that I'm not that skilled, I am paid pretty well, and I like the job I do and the people I work with. It would be stupid to mess with that, so I've signed up for a few development courses instead.

And to be honest, some of the sameness is pretty good stuff. Same love, same laughter, same going to bed warm and fed and feeling cared for.

Once again, all over the place here. Good and bad.

I genuinely appreciate life and all its blessings, but need some sort of change before I go fucking insane. I need to figure out what to introduce or eliminate. New books. New food. Save money. Take a trip. Stop smoking. New clothes. Learn.

Something, for the love of God.


Blogger Sailor said...

Yeah. Ditto.

I got nothing more to say than that.

February 19, 2013 9:02 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Thanks, Sailor. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, and keeping hoping someone is going to shine a light down a path. We probably all need to forge our own, right?

February 19, 2013 9:58 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Yes, we do- which I find is sometimes that's hard to remember.

But if it helps as a 'light', I'm sending hugs and at least you know there're others that "get it".

February 21, 2013 1:41 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home